love of the written word

in need of words

brittneyfoster — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 01:25:40 +0000

just needing to write a little bit

hope you enjoy it… i’m just writing on a whim here… so, let’s see where this goes

“As I Wander Through The Wood”

My mind wanders into the depths
Of that which speaks softly
Beckoning to my senses
Thoughts seeping–
Through the labyrinth of my mind

I delve into the cascading vines
The secret forest
Blanketed with dark wet mosses
That which envelops the lush sanctuary

The mystery that is enclosed within
Towering trees, swelled with inquiry
Branching out, rooted down
Reaching, holding, seeking, knowing

Treking through the tangled wood
Captured by the wandering deliberations
Awaiting eminent death
But awakening to new-fangled life

Finding my way through the perfumed flora
I place my mat, I lay my head
In the lap of the supple foliage
Knowing that here, I grow
Here, I live

“Positive Post Tuesday”-Levi

brittneyfoster — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 16:31:05 +0000

I believe in divine providence. I believe that God has a specific will for our lives. However, we cannot see that will except through a darkened glass. I believe that God is omnipotent and that he knows where we will end up. Fortunately, I have experienced what I believe to be the will of God for my life concerning my fate in love. This deals with my best friend, Levi, who is the love of my life.

When I was about ten years old and he was about fourteen, Levi’s family began to attend our church. I can recall my first memory of him quite well. I had just had a fight with a boy who I had used to like all throughout my childhood. So, I was outside the church sobbing on the curb. Levi was also outside; He was known to frequently hang outside of the church skateboarding. So, there he was, skating right past me. However, he realized that I was sobbing in anguish. So, he set aside his worn skateboard and sat beside me. He comforted me that day. He also, from that day forward, never has let me forget it.

However, there was a time where he stepped out of my life. For some time, I had little to no contact with him. Later, I discovered that he was going through a terrible situation during that time. His heart was broken and he was left with deep and bitter wounds. Fortunately, he and I have always had the same passion for music. So, one day, out of the blue, he reached out to an old friend to go to a concert. I knew that he was in need of someone to talk to and that this concert would be an ideal venue to reach out to him. So, I immediately agreed to attend the concert. I truly believe that he and I going to the concert was in God’s perfect will. I got to sit down and let him talk out everything and I told him it was okay to cry and he did. I let him know that although it seemed love had been stripped from him, the truest Love, in which only God can give, never left him and that love would find him again. I let him know that I was there for him and he thanked me for being a true friend and I gave him a hug and we parted. I am so thankful that God used me that night to show him that people still love.

About a week later, I spoke with him while driving home from school. He told me that his feelings towards me were stronger than of friendship and that he hoped I cared for him as he cared for me. With great pain, I told him that I didn’t like him more than as a friend and that I wasn’t pursuing a relationship anyways. I was partially telling the truth. Right before Levi came back into my life, I had made a commitment to God to not date anyone until I either graduated from college or until He allowed me. With great distraught, he swallowed my words and accepted the fact that, for a time, we would be nothing more than best friends.

A few weeks later, he started feeling the pains of his wounded heart once more. We were driving back from the movie theater with another friend and I noticed that he was in deep anguish. I took his hand. Though I know that he was in deep pain at the time, when he held my hand like that, I felt something that I had never felt before. It just felt right. Startled, I released his hand. We didn’t talk for the rest of the trip to our friend’s house.

Once we arrived at our friend’s house, we said our goodbyes to her and she went inside. We then sat against the side of his car and he just poured his wounded heart out. There were moments of anger and times when he allowed tears to freely flow down his face. I sat and intently listened to all he had to say and gave whatever comforting words I could in between his distraught thoughts. An hour later, once he had finished, I reached out and held him close and tight and gave him words of encouragement and comfort. We left that night closer than ever.

Day by day, my heart would long to belong to Levi. We spent as much time as we could together. The hope of being released from my commitment was the only balm to my longing heart. However, I couldn’t keep my feelings hidden for very long. One night, I spent the evening playing a game with his family. Levi and I were on a team and would give each other high-fives per points scored. At one point in the game, my eyes revealed my true feelings to him. He looked at me with surprise and I knew that I was betrayed by my eyes. Throughout the rest of the game, each high-five slowly transitioned into holding hands. By the end of the evening, we were hand in hand. I knew that we had just begun something quite wonderful.

Every moment we could, from then on, we would steal heartfelt glances and would take every chance we could to hold each other’s hand. However, I had to remember the commitment I had to not date. So, each glace, each hug, and each moment hand in hand became a promise of what would come. Even our friends and family began to notice that we were becoming closer than friends. Levi’s sister-in-law came up to me one night after church. She gave me a sincere hug and told me that she hoped that one day I would truly be a part of their family. Her words meant more to me and were more real than she would ever know. He told me that he had already made up his mind to wait as long as he had to in order to have a chance with me. I knew that I had found a treasure and I would pine for the chance to be with him as well. I was falling in love with my best friend.

One day, he was working only a half hour away from my school. Not wanting to waste an opportunity to see him, I traveled to see him. I arrived at a café to have tea with him. For a moment, we failed at conversation. Moments later, we shared what can only be described as true love’s first kiss. Divine providence was further proved to me because the moment that our lips touched, the sun came out from behind the overcast sky. The world bowed out, out of respect for two so much in love, of existence for such a brief moment in time. Once our first kiss concluded, the world spiraled its way back into existence. We both stood there quite astounded and dizzy at what had just occurred. We stared at each other and knew that we were soon meant to be together.

Exactly one month after my eyes told of my affections, in God’s perfect timing, I was released from my commitment. The very moment that the release was spoken to my heart, I immediately told Levi. We were both extremely elated and eager to be in each other’s embrace. However, Levi, out of his chivalrous nature, wished to ask my father for permission to date me. So, we waited for the day that I would return home.

The day that I returned home, Levi called my father for permission to date me. After some consideration, my father gave his consent to him. Soon thereafter, I arrived at Levi’s front step with open arms and heart. A new chapter in our lives had just begun.

(THE FOLLOWING IS AN ACCOUNT OF OUR FIRST VALENTINES DAY!!!!)

—

Now that I have time, I can tell you about my AMAZING Valentines day!!!

Soooo… as said in the last blog, I was kinda nervous that Levi wasn’t going to actually come because he was being a tricky mctrickster… and i caught on.

So… he sent me a text message asking if i had “received my present yet”… I, in all my coyness, said no. So, he said that he had someone leave my present at the front door. So, I went out to the front porch of the small house and there was this HUGE vase of a beautiful rose arrangement… and there was a letter.

Well… first… the words in quotes are from a text message he sent me earlier that day.

“Lovely Time”

Tomorrow we will be apart
Tomorrow you will not be in mine arms.
I will be far from where my heart is kept.
She, yes, the lady who stole my heart will be in another world, and again I wait.
I wait for each week to pass, I am found pining for Friday, for my Love comes to me,
and her arms do wrap around me with such loving warmth that I never wan the world to start up again.
“But such times apart do but purify this pure heart shared, mine and thine.”
So we despise it not but thank the Giver of time and the Creator of Love

I Love You Brittney

*SIGH*

Anyways, so, as I was melting in the beautiful letter… he texted me and asked if I would join him for dinner.
He then gave me directions to follow to find him.

He ended up being down the hill from my small house and there was a cute little picnic set up and had Dean Martin playing. It was sooooooo romantic.

So, we first exchanged gifts. I gave him his brand new Nintendo DS… yes… I rock. haha. It is really fun!! I played it the other day and he loves it. So, me thinks it was a good choice. haha. And he gave me this huge assortment of my favourite chocolate (Godiva) and he made me a Build-A-Bear!!! I call him my Dread Pirate Levi… so he made me a Dread Pirate Levi bear!!! I LOVE IT!!!! It smells like him too. So, it makes me feel like he’s with me. Which makes me happy.

So, we ate and we chatted.. and whatnot…

Then… I decided to give him a tour of my campus. We walked around for quite a while. I must expound on one really awesome part of the walk. We walked up under the campus clock tower… we pulled me close and when we kissed… the clock struck… it was super cool. The end. haha.

Then, I decided to take him across the street to the Sam Houston Park and we walked around the pond and we walked on the trail. He brought some hot tea. So, we walked and drank that for a while.

Then I showed him my reading haven on campus and we hung out there for a while.

Then the clock struck midnight and I knew that he had some work to do at home and I had two journals to write. So, we bid each other a good evening and he made his way home.

Twas the bestest and sweetest Valentine’s Day that I have ever had!!!

—

Since that blissful day, Levi and I have been in such a beautiful state of blissful love. Everyday, knowing that I am his and he is mine, has made me fall more and more in love with him. I have found my other half and I cherish every moment that I share with him. Every moment that we talk about marriage and our future together, I melt all over again. He has proven himself to be the man that I have always dreamt of sharing my life with. Levi is the definition of a true gentleman and I have been blessed to have been placed into his life. He has proven himself to be brilliant, wise, chivalrous, spiritual, strong, patient, romantic, handsome, and witty. I know that nobody is perfect. However, I know that he is perfect for me. We no longer have to wait for our real lives to begin. He is my best friend, and the man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with.

From Which My Smile Is Contrived

brittneyfoster — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:12:26 +0000

Until the day when we become
Two hearts no more, my dearest Love
I linger in thy promising kiss
And dream of our sweet pure unity

Mine eyes mark thy entrancing footsteps—
Towards mine embrace
As you step towards mine arms,
I’m deeply drawn into thy intoxicating gaze

Forever, thy beauty shall abide
In my mind, thoughts of us shall hide—
In the deep crevices that the deepest Love creates—
In memories and smiles

I wish not for the wealth of men
Nor do I covet any earthly thing
I only strive for the Love of thee—
You who hold my heart in sweet captivity

Though this earth shall fade
Through this ever-shortening life
And even beyond death’s grasp,
And carried through Heaven’s gates
Shall my Love for thee last
For ‘tis impossible for a Soul to separate

Till then, with thy absence
I shall remain content
For I’m really not alone
Mine time, it is not spent—
In solitude

La Colomba Vola Dolce per Amore

brittneyfoster — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 04:25:32 +0000

Mine eyes are most assuredly fixed–
Upon a figure in the sky
She cuts the air–
With softened wings
This fragile bird does fly

Oh dove, sweet dove
Fly swift with grace
Our fate depends on thee
Soar o’er this vast–
Deep ocean of Time
Where hearts can be made free

Oh soothe, sweet Soother
Mine heart till Time–
Doth land the sweet soft Dove
For till I mark–
Her make her perch
My hope shall lie Above

Volare la Colomba dolce
Elevarsi Amore
Volare la Colomba dolce
Per favore di volare

The Second Coming and Because of the Times

brittneyfoster — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 09:44:20 +0000

The Second Coming
William Butler Yeats

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

————————–

All creation walks closer the the edge of a cliff. That cliff represents the end of all humanity. The world is slowly starting to disintegrate with war among men. The mark of that time, in my opinion, is the second coming of Christ. “The Second Coming,” by William Butler Yeats, has impacted me because it reminds me that my time on earth is shor. In the end, there is a great battle between good and evil which will be finally conclude.

I cannot help but know, in my heart, that “[s]urely the Second Coming is at hand.” With war, poverty, famine, and the natural disasters that have recently escalated, there is no doubt, in my mind, that all time is winding down to an end. Chaos is too evident in this world to ignor the fact that the world is getting closer to the finish line. Peace seems out of our reach while “[m]ere anarchy is loosed upon the world.” Brothers turn on each other, political parties wage war with one another, and this world seems poisoned by hatred. The very air we breathe has become toxic with spite, immorality, and warmongering. I find myself praying more and more for Him to come quickly. I do not wish to be on this earth when all hell literally breaks loose. I eagerly await the Second Coming.

The Anti-Christ could be lurking on this planet right now. How chilling is that thought? Right now, the beast could be preparing for the great final battle. In the end, however, God will conquer Satan and a new Jerusalem will be established. To some, this may cause panic. In my opinion, I see this event as a final ending to what little power Satan felt he grasped. The Prince of the Power of the Air will finally fall and be chained in the Lake of Fire. To Yeats, it “trouble[d] [his] sight,” to think that the Anti-Christ could be “slouch[ing] towards Bethlehem to be born.” I cannot wait until God imprisons the serpent into the pits of hell.

This may sound a bit morbid. However, I appreciate Yeats’ reminder that the end of time is coming. Just thinking about Jesus coming down to take us up to a place where there will be no more fear nor tears gives me a sense of peace in my heart. I cannot wait to be in line to see our God on the Great White Throne Judgment seat. Yeats has shown that although we are in a time where evil seems to consume the very air we breathe, there’s a time where all of that will finally end. Peaceul freedom will replace the suffocation of evil. There will come a day when all of our tears will be wiped away. I am eager to see that lovely day when the trumpet will sound.

“The Second Coming” has greatly affected me not just artistically but also spiritually. I believe that there is coming a day when Jesus will come down from heaven to gather His people. William Butler Yeats has greatly illustrated the very world that we live in. Our world may be falling apart, but Yeats shows a little ray of hipe that the Second Coming of Christ is nigh. It is because of the times that I believe that God is drawing closer to His coming.

brittneyfoster — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 04:23:43 +0000

there’s a new starbucks near my house… and on the wall there are beautiful words written…

” Vacation days, fall leaves

Playing hooky.

The first page of a book,

Writing about it.

A moment alone,

A gathering with friends.

A cup,
a sip,

a sigh.

Does it taste like leaves,

Does it taste like chocolate,

Does it taste like wood,

Does it taste like cinnamon?

She questioned.

It tastes like home. he replied.

What do you do when you are here?

Linger,
sip,
daydream,
talk, meet, sit, work,

be. “

le sigh

21

brittneyfoster — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 22:41:50 +0000

i have entered into a new chapter of my life… that is 21.
is it possible to feel older in one day? because i feel like i have stepped over some sort of threshold… maybe a birthday gift from my wonderful God. i don’t know how to explain it. but i’m so so blessed. yesterday was wonderful. morning service, we had an exceptional speaker Bro. Trippani (sp?) and he was just so real and relevant. evening service was also super amazing. all i can say is that God moved in such a powerful way. afterwards, a few of the youth and I went to starbucks and I had a really interesting discussion with some people about Revelations. it was pretty intense and all I can say is that I could not of talked about what I did if it were not for God quickening my mind. God just made himself present in everything I saw, heard, said, did yesterday. God is sooooo good. ALL THE TIME!!!

i got my To Write Love On Her Arms shirts (the original and the Love Is The Movement one)!!! i am very excited to wear them. it is a cause that i most definitely back up. if you have never heard of TWLOHA, please check them out at http://www.myspace.com/towriteloveonherarms

http://www.twloha.com

life is crazy
life is beautiful

and it’s totally worth it

sanitynow.

brittneyfoster — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 17:14:27 +0000

monday rained down on my parade
sent me down a spiral
in which i lack better words to describe
it’s like i’m slowly suffocating myself with my words
my own thoughts, trapped inside
something so powerful, dangerous to contain
but it has an unmarked label
which bids me to refrain from dictation
the infrastructure of mankind is so delicate
it takes so little to set us off in any direction
throws us off our fragile balance
that which we call sanity
i plead guilty as charged

to write…

brittneyfoster — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 22:01:43 +0000

“We write to taste life twice, in the moment, and in retrospection.”-Anais Nin

“How do I know what I think until I see what I say?”- E.M. Forster

“I never wrote a word I didn’t hear as I read.”- Eudora Welty

“Creativity is continual surprise”- Ray Bradbury

“The ultimate confrontation is with that blank sheet of paper.”- John McPhee

“It’s like driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.”- E.L. Doctorow

“The language must be careful and must appear effortless. It must not sweat.”- Toni Morrison

“We do not write what we know; we write what we want to find out.”- Wallace Stegner

“Inspiration usually comes during work, rather than before it.” Madeleine L’Engle

“Writing is a lonely act that is never really performed alone.” – Donald M. Murray

“Histories make men wise; poets, witty; the mathematics, subtle; natural philosophy, deep; moral, grave; logic and rhetoric, able to contend.” – Francis Bacon

“For excellence, the presence of others is always required.”- Hannah Arendt

good stuff.

significance

brittneyfoster — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 20:47:46 +0000

So, I have been thinking about my movie idea… if you think way way back (or read way way back)… you’ll know of what i speak. It’s my modern take on the story of Jacob and Rachel.

The part where they disclose the intentions of their heart, revealed itself to me. So, I want to share this very very small, but rather important, scene with you all. This is also the first bit of this story that I have, as of yet, written. I have ideas that spin around in my head, but this is the first part that I have been urged to write down. So, this makes me excited. I hope you all love it!!! Because I love it!!!

After a moment of collecting her thoughts, she softly spoke, “I only fear the significance that this shall bring.” Puzzled, he replied, “Don’t you mean consequence?” “No,” she abrubtly replied, “Consequence is a vivid truth,” and, courageously revealing a slight smile, continued saying, “Significance is discreet. Disclosing itself only to one’s soul.” She lowered her gaze, hiding her nervous smile. Knowing her meaning, he gently lifted her chin so that her eyes met his. With the comforting tone of his voice, he reassured her, “You should not fear significance. Let it vividly adorn your smile that now occupies your beautiful frame. Let us live in significance and embrace the consequences. For one does not live without either.” Their gaze lasted forever, unified in heart and mind.